it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
