I was born with a shot glass in my hand
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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