He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
