My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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