these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
