My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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