The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
