Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize