don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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