Im at strip club and am horny
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
