I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
