Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
