The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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