i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's never too late to be topless.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
