I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize