I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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