last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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