I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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