That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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