fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
