we have pet lesbian snakes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize