uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
