PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
