so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
