Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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