my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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