I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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