Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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