I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
