You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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