What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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