made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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