I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
why do cheetos always look like penises
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
