I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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