I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
