i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
