youre lurking in front of me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
