So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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