I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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