Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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