I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Even my vagina gasped.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
