i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
