Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize