Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
