Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
