the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
