im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
be right there i have to get my cape
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
