This is not my ceiling
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
