Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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