He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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