genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
