So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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