I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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