He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
