am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the condom got lost in my hair
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
