When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
