He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
