My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
