Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Couch. On fire.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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