Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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