i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
