I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
