There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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