Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
