In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
