Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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